We’re calling it: A feminist marriage, where both partners respect and treat each other as equals, is the very best kind of marriage. (Also, studies suggest the sex is better, so there’s that, too.)
Below, 28 solid reasons to fall in love with someone who recognizes that feminism benefits both women and men.
1. There’s parity in your relationship. You push each other to reach your goals and full potential, because ultimately, you know you’re stronger as a team.
2. You’re not wedded to outdated gender expectations. Want to be a stay-at-home dad while your wife brings home the bacon? Go for it.
3. There’s no place for “locker room talk” or “boys will be boys” excuses in your relationship. You hold each other to a much higher standard than that.
4. When it’s time to clean the house or do the laundry, you divide up the chores according to preference and workload, not gender. Also worth noting? A 2015 study from the University of Alberta suggested that people in more egalitarian relationships have higher relationship satisfaction and more sex than couples who leave it to one spouse.
5. Another reason feminist couples have better sex? Feminist men recognize that a woman’s pleasure is just as important as theirs. There’s no rolling over and falling asleep prematurely. (How rude.)
6. While we’re on the subject of sex, your partner would never slut-shame you for your sexual past. Your “sex number” is no big deal.
7. You have the luxury of not having to explain the importance of Planned Parenthood to your S.O. (And if your partner is worried about a weird bump some place down south, you know just where to direct him or her. Thanks, PP!)
8. Mansplaining is not an issue you have to deal with in your own home, thank goodness.
9. You both know a woman’s place is anywhere she damn well pleases ― and that if you both choose to work, it just means more income.
10. Ideologically, your partner believes that the world is a better place when women are empowered. As noted feminist (and our favorite ginger) Prince Harry once put it, “When women are empowered, they immeasurably improve the lives of everyone around them — their families, their communities, and their countries.”
11. Your partner loves your body but recognizes that the decisions you make regarding it are yours and yours alone. Sexual and reproductive rights matter to both of you.
12. You don’t fret about maintaining relationships with friends of the opposite sex. Your partner knows you can and should have relationships with other men and other women.
13. If you’re a man, you could get proposed to ― men don’t always to be the one to pop the question!
14. Your wedding can be as heteronormative and traditional or as modern and unconventional as you want. (So feel free to forgo the garter belt toss if you find that awkward as hell.)
15. If your partner’s guy friends start badmouthing feminism, you know he’ll correct them. (Bonus points if he has Chimamanda Ngozi’s definition of feminism memorized because you blast Beyonce’s “Flawless” nonstop.)
16. Your complaints and concerns are never delegitimized because of your sex, and your partner sure as heck would never say, “sounds like someone’s on their period.”
17. You don’t look at each other as a project or someone to “fix.” Men don’t need to be anyone’s knight in shining armor and women shouldn’t feel like they can “love away” a man’s problems. You each take ownership for your own issues and go into the relationship as whole and independent people.
18. If you decide to marry, you can do whatever you want with your last names. Take his surname, have him take yours, hyphenate, create a hybrid/combo last name ― it’s your call.
19. Your partner is proud ― not resentful ― of your career accomplishments. He or she pushes you to accomplish everything you want in life, on your own timeline ― be it your career, passion projects or having a family (or all three of them).
20. Phrases like “man up” or “don’t be a pussy” are off limits. The beauty of feminism is that it benefits men, too; your partner can be as vulnerable or as emotional as he wants and it doesn’t make him less of a man.
21. It feels so good to be with someone who appreciates your brain just as much as your beauty.
21. If you have kids, you can give them the talk about consent and the birds and the bees as a team. (Phew, what a relief.)
23. You both recognize that paid parental leave is good for everyone. (Hopefully, your work places recognize that too and offer paternity leave.)
24. Through your relationship, you get to model what a marriage of equals really looks like to your kids.
25. But if you were to divorce, you recognize that both parents deserve to be in your kids’ lives.
26. If your husband is out with the kids and someone says “looks like mom has the day off!” you can both roll your eyes about it later on.
27. Your marriage and definition of monogamy can be as traditional or unconventional as you want it to be.
28. Your partner understands why you felt compelled to go to the Women’s March. Hell, they probably joined you and wore a “this is what a feminist looks like” shirt. It doesn’t get any sexier than that.
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